Yesterday was pretty rough, I've gotta say. I felt sick and weak all day, with insane hunger that had me munching on my melba toast at 7 in the morning. Most days, I can go without the melba until dinner, which is at 7pm. That's a pretty drastic change.
I was exhausted much earlier than I normally am, and had absolutely no motivation to cook or make any kind of meal for myself or BF. Yesterday would have been the kind of day that saw us in the car, headed to the pho restaurant for some yummy soup. Instead, I had to settle for shrimp soup with onions. Tasted good, but wasn't nearly as satisfying.
I had another challenge yesterday, in the form of lunch. I went to get my boss lunch, and he ordered food from one of my favorite restaurants: Jimmy Dean's. They have AMAZING burgers and fries. It killed me having the bag of food sitting in my car, and I ended up rolling all the windows down on the ride back to the office just so I wouldn't get smothered in the smell of the food. Dinner last night was supposed to be tuna sandwiches for BF and beef for me, but I couldn't handle the idea of making him tuna (one of my favorites) and watching him eat bread and chips and all the good stuff. It would have broke me.
My tolerance level for this protocol is getting lower and lower the longer I get into this. It makes me all the more amazed and worshipful of the people who commit to the 43 or 60 day plan, and manage to make all their own lunches and dinners for so many days. I truly don't think I could hack it that long.
I woke up this morning to a 0.6 lb gain on the scale, but I kinda saw it coming. After feeling like crap yesterday, and not being overly careful with my food measurements and not drinking enough water, I was prepared - although not happy about it - for a gain this morning. 0.6 lb is pretty good, all things considered, I guess. All that being said, I'm down almost 15 lbs, which is great.
This brings up a new revelation. Well, a couple of them. I keep looking at my body in the mirror, trying to see the changes, and while I can tell my clothes fit better - I fit into a shirt I haven't worn in six months!!!!! - I still don't think my body's changed any. I'm still fat in all the places I don't want to be, and I'm still nowhere near my goal weight. Somehow, during all the prep work for this protocol, I think I'd managed to convince myself that if I did one round, I'd magically be back to a weight I was happy with three years ago. Instead, I still look somewhat the same, albeit 15 lbs lighter, and I'm still not happy. My expectations were too high, I think.
The other revelation I had is that I'm slowly counting down the days until I can get back eating what I once did. I realize this sounds kind of stupid, but hear me out. This whole time, I've been viewing what I've been eating as a restriction, a specific set of guidelines that will only last for a temporary, specified set of time. Once I get through the maintenance phases, I'll magically be able to go back to eating what I did before, and it'll be fine. The thing is, that's not true. My eating habits in the past are part of what got me here. When I finish Maintenance, I'll still be on some sort of restriction, because I don't want to gain all the weight I've just lost, right back. I can't go back to eating out every other day and having huge portion sizes and gorging on sweets. I have to scale it all back, and eat smartly, and wisely.
I'm pretty positive this isn't the first time I've said this, but I love food. I don't live to eat, but I do enjoy the food I eat. I like all different kinds of food, a wide variety that covers all kinds of unhealthy entrees. I keep thinking about all the things I'll be able to have again when I'm finally done with this program, and that's the kind of thinking that's going to land me in dangerous waters. I have to change the way I view my meals, so I can maintain, and then lose, all this weight. If I want to get back into my old clothes, I've got to make the smart decisions to get there, and then stay there.
I'm feeling much better today, and I'm back to being fine until around 10am, when I have my fruit. I'll drink the proper amount of water today, along with a little bit extra, and hopefully I'll see a loss on the scale tomorrow. I'm exactly a week away from being done with the drops as of today, which is a pretty exciting fact. In less than two weeks I'll be able to eat more foods, and a greater variety, so that should be exciting. There's also a possibility I'll get rained out this weekend for my shoot, and while I'd normally hate that, I'm kind of hoping for it, just this once. I really don't want to go on the road with this diet. I'm doing tons of reading in preparation for Maintenance, and I'll probably track down a cookbook revolving around olive oil, so I can get in a nice variety of meals. I'm counting down the days, and hopefully, the pounds!
No comments:
Post a Comment