VLCD 15 - Countdown To The Finish

As of today, I am officially 9 days away from Maintenance. Nine days. Hot damn.

I remember, when I started this thing, thinking that I could hack a month's worth of drops and diet and restriction, no problem. It'd be a piece of cake, and I'd breeze through the days like they were hours instead of days. The food, once I'd read the portion sizes and actually started measuring them out, seemed like a ton, and cooking was a breeze once you had all the prep work done.

Half way through the protocol, I got bogged down. Exhaustion from life set in, and trying to find both the energy and creativity needed to feed both myself and BF was difficult. I grew frustrated (clearly) with the restrictions, and while the food portion sizes hadn't changed, my perception of their flexibility had. I was no longer confident in the protocol, or my ability to complete it.

Today, I find myself in a curious blend of the two extremes. I'm neither deliriously happy with the program, nor extremely distrustful and dissatisfied with it. I'm...comfortable with it. Yes, you have to go on a restrictive diet for a few weeks. Yes, it makes having a life outside of the living room and your laptop awkward. Yes, it's more than a month long commitment to better health.

Yes, the food is sufficient to feel full. Yes, there is variety in what you eat, how you eat, when you eat. Yes, you can make it through a 26 day program and survive, lol. Yes, you do have much more freedom on the Maintenance phases than you did in the VLCD phase. And YES, you do lose weight. I woke up this morning, to a 0.8 lb loss. After yesterday's gain, that really only means a 0.2lb loss, but it's a loss all the same.

Life, in general, is a constant learning curve of what and how we react to the stimuli we run across in our constant bid for learning, aspiring, growing as human beings. If I'm comfortable being a size 12-14, then I should have just stayed where I was at. If I'm comfortable being a size 6-8, then I need to make the sacrifices to get back to that weight, and then make the proper choices to maintain that life style. It can't be all about indulgence, all the damn time. Sadly :(

I'm finding that as I creep closer to my LDW - Last Drop Weight - that I'm getting hungrier and hungrier throughout the day. I'm hoping it's a sign that I'm getting close to the weight I was two years ago, which is when I gained the most. I'm pretty certain that's one of my plateau weights. I'll be prepping over the next week for Maintenance, and I'm looking forward to working out now that I've already begun the process of getting back to those size 6-8 jeans.

If there's one thing I could stress to a new protocol member, it'd be this: Be prepared. The food guide can be a bit overwhelming when you first look at it, and you start planning meals and buying food based off what sounds good, instead of what's good by the numbers. Pick three (minimum) from each food group, so that they fall into the following categories:

Low Calorie
Medium Calorie
High Calorie

Why, you ask, is this a good idea? Your body's going to crave different types of protein on different days. Let's say you go with ground beef, cabbage, apple, and melba for lunch. That's 301 calories in that one meal. In order to stay under the 500 calorie mark, you've got to eat a protein, veggie, and fruit that are extremely low in calories. My go to meal for this instance would be chicken, lettuce, and half a grapefruit: 179 calories. All combined, I'm looking at 480 calories. There's room to move now, with a piece of melba later if I get snackish. Problem solved.

So, definitely, keep a variety of the groups on hand, and make sure you shop for at least one in each of the low, medium, and high calorie sets. It'll make cooking much easier. I ended up relying on ground beef, chicken, and shrimp, for the protein; lettuce, cabbage, asparagus for the veggie, with some fennel, onion, and spinach thrown in for a change; and apples, oranges, and grapefruit for the fruit. I added beef broth for a little comfort when necessary, and tons of Frank's Red Hot Sauce, mustard, and black pepper. It got repetitive, but at least it tasted good ^_^

I'm still a week away from finishing the drops, so I'm sure I'll have more up and down days between now and then. For now, though, I'm pretty content. I'm almost done, I'm down 15 lbs, I have a desire and drive to work out to lose the rest, and I'm working on the mental changes required to keep going at it. Not bad, for 17 days.

VLCD 13 & 14 - Rough Patches

Yesterday was pretty rough, I've gotta say. I felt sick and weak all day, with insane hunger that had me munching on my melba toast at 7 in the morning. Most days, I can go without the melba until dinner, which is at 7pm. That's a pretty drastic change.

I was exhausted much earlier than I normally am, and had absolutely no motivation to cook or make any kind of meal for myself or BF. Yesterday would have been the kind of day that saw us in the car, headed to the pho restaurant for some yummy soup. Instead, I had to settle for shrimp soup with onions. Tasted good, but wasn't nearly as satisfying.

I had another challenge yesterday, in the form of lunch. I went to get my boss lunch, and he ordered food from one of my favorite restaurants: Jimmy Dean's. They have AMAZING burgers and fries. It killed me having the bag of food sitting in my car, and I ended up rolling all the windows down on the ride back to the office just so I wouldn't get smothered in the smell of the food. Dinner last night was supposed to be tuna sandwiches for BF and beef for me, but I couldn't handle the idea of making him tuna (one of my favorites) and watching him eat bread and chips and all the good stuff. It would have broke me.

My tolerance level for this protocol is getting lower and lower the longer I get into this. It makes me all the more amazed and worshipful of the people who commit to the 43 or 60 day plan, and manage to make all their own lunches and dinners for so many days. I truly don't think I could hack it that long.

I woke up this morning to a 0.6 lb gain on the scale, but I kinda saw it coming. After feeling like crap yesterday, and not being overly careful with my food measurements and not drinking enough water, I was prepared - although not happy about it - for a gain this morning. 0.6 lb is pretty good, all things considered, I guess. All that being said, I'm down almost 15 lbs, which is great.

This brings up a new revelation. Well, a couple of them. I keep looking at my body in the mirror, trying to see the changes, and while I can tell my clothes fit better - I fit into a shirt I haven't worn in six months!!!!! - I still don't think my body's changed any. I'm still fat in all the places I don't want to be, and I'm still nowhere near my goal weight. Somehow, during all the prep work for this protocol, I think I'd managed to convince myself that if I did one round, I'd magically be back to a weight I was happy with three years ago. Instead, I still look somewhat the same, albeit 15 lbs lighter, and I'm still not happy. My expectations were too high, I think.

The other revelation I had is that I'm slowly counting down the days until I can get back eating what I once did. I realize this sounds kind of stupid, but hear me out. This whole time, I've been viewing what I've been eating as a restriction, a specific set of guidelines that will only last for a temporary, specified set of time. Once I get through the maintenance phases, I'll magically be able to go back to eating what I did before, and it'll be fine. The thing is, that's not true. My eating habits in the past are part of what got me here. When I finish Maintenance, I'll still be on some sort of restriction, because I don't want to gain all the weight I've just lost, right back. I can't go back to eating out every other day and having huge portion sizes and gorging on sweets. I have to scale it all back, and eat smartly, and wisely.

I'm pretty positive this isn't the first time I've said this, but I love food. I don't live to eat, but I do enjoy the food I eat. I like all different kinds of food, a wide variety that covers all kinds of unhealthy entrees. I keep thinking about all the things I'll be able to have again when I'm finally done with this program, and that's the kind of thinking that's going to land me in dangerous waters. I have to change the way I view my meals, so I can maintain, and then lose, all this weight. If I want to get back into my old clothes, I've got to make the smart decisions to get there, and then stay there.

I'm feeling much better today, and I'm back to being fine until around 10am, when I have my fruit. I'll drink the proper amount of water today, along with a little bit extra, and hopefully I'll see a loss on the scale tomorrow. I'm exactly a week away from being done with the drops as of today, which is a pretty exciting fact. In less than two weeks I'll be able to eat more foods, and a greater variety, so that should be exciting. There's also a possibility I'll get rained out this weekend for my shoot, and while I'd normally hate that, I'm kind of hoping for it, just this once. I really don't want to go on the road with this diet. I'm doing tons of reading in preparation for Maintenance, and I'll probably track down a cookbook revolving around olive oil, so I can get in a nice variety of meals. I'm counting down the days, and hopefully, the pounds!

VLCD 6 & 7 - Goodbye Detox, Hello Guilt

Would you believe I completely spaced blogging yesterday? Actually taking into account what happened yesterday, I do believe it. Let's just say Tuesday wasn't the best day in the world, both personally and professionally, and leave it at that.

I'm happy to report the detox symptoms are on their way out the door, and I'm back to losing weight. Monday was still pretty shaky and weak feeling, with Tuesday seeing a sudden attack of nausea right after lunch that lasted close to four hours. Let me tell you, the nausea was NOT fun. I was literally sitting at my desk, my head in my hands, fighting that trip down the hallway to puke. If I have any choice at all, I'll avoid puking in a public restroom. That's just...nasty.

Tuesday night - VLCD 6 - I was feeling much better. I had my go to meal of cabbage and beef, and some strawberries, and downed a whole additional liter of water. I was feeling pretty strong, and able to hold a decent conversation without drifting and losing concentration.

This morning I woke up feeling great again. My hunger pangs didn't kick in until about half way to work, and by then I'd already been able to take my first set of drops so it only lasted for a few minutes. I was starving around 10, and water just wasn't cutting it so I had my strawberries early. Lunch was romaine lettuce, chicken, and a dressing made from Frank's Sauce and mustard, which was delicious. About two thirty I realized I was starving again, and after calculating my total calorie intake so far (110+40+15=165) I wasn't surprised, so I snacked on my melba.

That was thankfully enough to get me to my next set of drops, the last of my second liter of water, and home to relax. Dinner tonight was the VLCD safe eggs - one whole egg, three egg whites - with some more Frank's, an apple and a plate full of radishes. All very very satisfying, and filling. Which is where the guilt sets in.

I've been reading back over the book again and looking at the directions, and it occurs to me that while you're not anywhere near as restricted as I'd initially thought, there's still a level of abstinence that is required. I'm concerned that my constant intake of hot sauce, and now the eggs, will cause me to 'cheat' unintentionally, and I'll have to start the 21 days on drops all over again. I'm already 7 days into the damn thing, I don't wanna start over again. Technically I haven't gone off the diet, everything I've eaten has been within protocol, and I haven't even maxed out my calorie count, despite permission to do so. I've also avoided the broth, surprisingly enough, and I'm not feeling weak from the loss.

I guess, in my head, I'm worried that I've messed up somewhere and cheated. Even though everything I'm doing is VLCD approved. I made lunch for tomorrow - cabbage and beef, as I haven't had it for lunch yet, and I'm just not prepared for another salad - and I left out the hot sauce in the initial cook. I did sprinkle some on top, but not too much. And I'll have another apple for lunch, with either strawberries or a grapefruit for dinner, which will help me feel less guilty, I hope.

On a more personal note, I had my first true 'test' on the diet. I was so exhausted and weak from the nausea yesterday that when I got home the idea of cooking myself dinner, let alone BF and his dad dinner, was sending me over the edge into emotional temper tantrums. I ended up talking BF into ordering pizza, which is one of my chief food weaknesses. Bf and his dad ate their pizza at the same table as me, seeing as how we were playing Hearts, and I was...FINE!!! No temptation, no hunger pangs, no desire to eat the pizza. The beef and cabbage helped TONS which is one of the reasons I went with it, but I was also feeling strong enough that the desire to eat it was very minimal. It was a huge success for me, one that I'm quite proud of ^_^

To date, I've lost 10.4 pounds, and I'm ecstatic about it. I know the stalls and slow downs in loss are headed my way in the next week, which is why I'm considering weighing myself every other day instead of every day. I'm still feeling guilty, but hopefully I'll overcome that soon. I think I'm entering the more stable phase of the protocol, where I feel good, am able to walk an hour a day, and still function. I'm excited that I only have two more weeks to go, and then I start the transition into Maintenance, which means avocados!!

VLCD Day 5 - Detox, Hunger, and How I Will Beat It

I don't know that I've ever been this happy to see a Monday, I swear. Getting back on the schedule of normal drop times was a huge help, considering I'm much much less shaky today than I was yesterday. I had a hard time this morning, but otherwise I've been doing ok all day. I even had energy to joke around at the office and walk up and down the stairs a few times. Lemme tell ya, I see now why MHP says no exercise on the VLCD. Your body's working so hard to make up for the lack of fresh calories, that asking it to do even light exercise can be too much.

I asked the MHP support page about my shakiness and hot flashes, and they raised a very good point. My body's going through severe withdrawals, mainly because I've taken away just about everything that's considered bad for one's body, in a very short period of time. It makes sense that I'd be having a reaction to the lack of sugars and starches, which I was expecting, just not to this degree. I've been told the detox should end within the first week, and I'm already at Day 5, so they think the worst is behind me.

Good news is I've been granted the option of adding more veggies to my meals. I'm having an incredibly hard time meeting the 500 calorie daily intake, and now that I've been told I can go slightly over, I'm relieved. I also have the option of drinking chicken or beef broth, as long as it's sugar free and low in sodium. There's actually a set of recipes on how to make the broths on your own, so they're guaranteed VLCD safe, but you have to let them simmer for over two hours. I personally am a very sensory person, and when I smell food I become starving. I know that sitting in a house, with a pot of simmering broth for over two hours would kill me, so I'm opting for the canned/boxed variety. It was difficult to find a broth that met the criteria, so I've asked for approval on the Kitchen Basics stock, so we'll see. Cross your fingers it's acceptable.

In writing today's blog, I realize I've already gone through some pitfalls of the diet that I wish someone would have warned me about. The general consensus for answers is what's available in the P&I Guide, and while helpful, doesn't always cover all the questions I find myself asking on a daily basis. I think I'll be posting a couple blogs, that I'll edit as I go through this process, of recipes, products, and FAQs that I have found helpful. Maybe someone will find it, and like it, and maybe it'll sit out there and die a digital death, who knows.

I am constantly reminding myself today of the first couple days on the protocol, and how I was able to sail through the hunger pangs no problem. The shakiness and flashes caught me off guard, and I think it's weakened my resolve to continue this. I'm so used to snacking when I'm hungry that reaching for the water bottle instead is beyond unsatisfactory. I had to remind myself today why I'm doing this, because already I feel lighter than when I started. It's hard to curb the thought that I could just go off the protocol, because I've already lost weight. That's not the point; the point is to lose the maximum allowed, and then keep on going. I cannot, and will not, fall back into the mode of thinking that landed me where I am now - that life is too short to restrict myself, and I'll just enjoy it.

There's enjoying something, and then there's over indulging. I've over indulged for too long. Now it's time to simply enjoy.