When I was a child, I loved the idea of being an environmentalist. I was always getting pamphlets in the mail, and reading books about saving trees and helping dolphins. I wrote letters to Congress, and my Senator, and the President. I think, somewhere hidden away in a box, there's a fat manila envelope stuffed to the point of tearing, with all my old papers in it.
In college I sort of became more aware of just how large the problems were, and how little I was doing to help. It slowly but steadily faded from my perspective, and I stopped writing letters, and stopped following the programs and progress and problems. I had hoped one day to join Greenpeace, and travel and help, do missionary work to some degree, but I don't think I was ever really truly committed to it. It's still something I'd like to do some day, but not something I think I'll ever actually pull off.
When I moved back home, I applied and was accepted to the Big Brothers, Big Sisters program. I waited six months for a placement, but there weren't any candidates, and the photography job I'd accepted took up all my free time. I was forced to withdraw, and I've regretted that I wasn't able to help. I've considered volunteering in a local animal shelter, but my work with puppies while in college has forced me to admit that I couldn't handle the "bad" days. You don't want to know what the "bad" days are.
I peruse the Yahoo stories every day, and an article about a soldier bringing his puppy home caught my attention. It's led me down a road I wasn't expecting. There's a group of people who work with soldiers to rescue the dogs that become their lifeline while fighting in the Middle East. I've read a couple stories, seen peoples' reactions, and it makes me cry. It makes me ache inside that there is that kind of cruelty out there, and it makes me warm that there's an equal, and greater, amount of kindness out there. Yes, I realize we have problems here in the States. Yes, I realize there are all kinds of cases that need attention, people hurting, people suffering. But I've chosen to join this particular fight. I hope, at some point, to aid in the effort to bring awareness to this cause, and hope that my efforts help bring some measure of comfort to both the dogs, and more so, the soldiers, who come home. If somehow, you come across this post and want to know more, or help too, the website I'm speaking of is http://www.nowzad.com
It seems like maybe I'm on a mission to change. I went this weekend to the campus I hope to attend in the fall, and walked around for a while. It's a gorgeous campus, and I think I'll be content there. Maybe not happy, and I certainly wont blend in (being 28 while everyone else is younger than 22 tends to make a girl stand out) but I think I'll at least be comfortable enough to want to attend. Beyond being comfortable though, is the sincere desire to finally get off my ass. I'm going today after work to take my assessment tests, and then I'll register for classes for the Fall semester. Hopefully in two years (probably three, but hell, I'll aim for two) I'll be done with an AA, and be on my way to changing my life for the better. I'm going to start researching what I want to do with my life once the AA has been achieved, sort of a...kick me in the ass when I'm lagging incentive. If I have something to work toward, I'll be much more liable to get it done. That, and I miss being a nerd ^_^
I both need, and want, a better life. I both need, and want, the life I dreamed up when I was a child. I want to be able to help people, make a difference, contribute so that my children, or the children of my friends, have a world to live in that's beautiful. I'm capable of amazing things. It's time I started utilizing those skills.
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